IT MUST BE UP to a billion times by now, I think.
I’ve actually lost count of the number of times young people, guys and ladies alike, call or chat me up to inquire about this hugely famous and abused drug.
When it’s not a call to ask if they should buy it, then it’s about how to take it. Some other times also, it’s about the possible side effects. The questions can be funny shaa.
For the ladies, their pattern of inquiring can be amusing. Some would come to my room, twiddle their thumbs, shake their bumbum, roll their eyes and then beat about the bush for ten minutes.
They would be like, “Errm, Doctor Caséy, assuming a guy releases inside a babe….. no, wait, assuming, I mean, erm, erm, what if my BF cums inside me… Not really my BF shaa, but erm, what should I do?”
Just negodu! 😂 😂
Babes wee not kee somebody in this life.
The drug, as far as ladies ‘wey tear eye’ are concerned, is more famous than paracetamol. Alongside “Beecham” Ampliclox, it’s the commonest abused drug among young girls after sex.
The funniest part is that, as common as the drug is, few outside of the health sector actually have anything close to an adequate knowledge of how and when it should be taken, let alone the side effect profile.
I don explain sotee I don tire! 😒😒
Ike agwugom 😢.
Early last Saturday morning, just when I was waking up from the stress of the first day of the XDIFY™ 1.0 Sexual Health Masterclass, I heard a knock on my door. The knocks came again and again.
I peeked at the wall clock 🕒 : it was 6:05am. The day was still breaking. What could make someone wrap on my door so early? The person dey mad? 😠
I grunted. “Who’s it?”
Then came a female voice. “It’s me, Doctor Caséy. Please open.”
I knew the voice quite alright. She’s a very shapely and pretty female neighbor I had been eyeing that year, but the nwa no gri for me 😔.
I lumbered up to the door, opened it, and poked my head out. Almost immediately, she greeted me twice, curtsying each time like I was King Nebuchadnezzar and she was my house maid.
Haba! Which kyn early morning curtsy be this? I wondered. This babe no fes be like this na. I knew instantly that something was amiss. I peered at her face and she had ‘worry’ etched in it. Of course it was morning and she wore no make up, but the furrows on her forehead were deep like cornrows.
She wore a loose-fitting night gown that exposed her mighty boobs, the bare nipples peeping at me from underneath, as if inviting my lips to come say hi 😂 😂.
Immediately I looked away, I still had my morning erection on and munwa no want make this babe worsen my predicament biko😐😐.
“Nne, what’s the problem?” I asked.
“Doctor Caséy, please I need to talk to you now!” she pleaded, her boobs dangling tantalizingly as she said so.
Nna, lekwanu m nsogbu this early morning. Caséy, look away, I said to myself. Nefuo anya gi 😄😄
I opened the door wide and beckoned her in, then, stylishly, I dug one hand into the pocket of my boxer shorts and dragged down that foolish cobra 🐍 trying to embarrass himself this early morning. 😂
As the babe walked in, I took another glance at her. Nna eeh, if you’re sexy, my dear, you’re sexy. Hoohaa! 😄😄 Biko coman see hips.
Obala Emma! 😱😱
The thing be like bottle Coke. It swayed from side to side as she waltzed in and the transparent loose-fitting cotton fabric she wore only worsened my condition. Now my cobra 🐍 is behaving like fool. Sharply, I grabbed a pillow and dropped it on my laps.
No be me this stupid snake will embarrass laidis.
“So what’s the problem, nne?” I asked again. “It’s too early and you look so worried.”
The babe sat on the plastic chair and crossed her laps, unintentionally revealing some fresh laps wey be like Ofoma bread 🍞. 😆😆😆
See me see a certain cobra shooting its head out! Atokwam today!
“Doctor Caséy, please eeh, I don’t know how to say this, but, erm, erm, I want to ask you… I want to…” She let the words peter out.
“You want to ask me what?” I asked.
She paused a bit. “Doc, the thing is this: last week I visited my boyfriend at Isihor here in Benin-City,” she said. “We had sex and he released inside me!”
My heart felt like exploding. So a certain guy was enjoying this sexy babe I’d been eyeing since like forever? It’s not like I didn’t know, but hearing it from her sent a wave of jealousy coursing through my veins. 😒😒
I had to be professional, so I pretended like it was nothing. “Okay, go on?”
“He said he was going to buy Postinor 2 for me to take,” she said, “but he and I forgot until two days ago, four days later, when I eventually took it.”
“Go on!”
“Last night he came by and slept over in my room here, we had sex again and he released inside me yet again.” She rubbed her palms together in a gesture of plea. “Doctor Caséy, please I’m scared. I don’t want to get pregnant. Should I take the Postinor 2 again? I really don’t like it.”
Ouch! 😥😥
So while I was organizing a Whatsapp masterclass, a guyman was busy banging this hot babe just a few rooms away? No I can’t take this! 😨😨
“Why?” I asked, regaining my composure.
She paused again. “I don’t know but a few days after taking it I always have this breast pain. And then it makes me want to vomit. And sometimes I bleed too.”
I made mental notes of what she said. “How do you often take the drug?”
“The usual way na,” she said. “I often take the two at the same time.”
😱 😱 😱
Osikwa no gini?
“Please what should I do?” she added. “I don’t want to get pregnant.”
I studied her intently, babe was fidgeting. “Have you seen your period again since you took it a few days ago?” I asked.
She shook her head no. “But I’m expecting it again next week Tuesday, 22nd January,” she said. “Please help me, Doctor. What should I now do? I don’t want to get pregnant.”
I was not surprised, though. It was a scenario I’d seen countless times. I needed to calm her down and then explain the drug to her.
“After how many days do you often see your period?” I asked.
“Twenty-eight days,” she said.
Then I pulled out my phone calendar and did a simple math. That means you last saw your period on 26th December, 2018?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said. “It was Boxing Day.”
I paused again. “When did you say you had the last sex with him before last night?”
“Last Saturday, 12th January,” she said.
Given her katamania, a simple math told me she ovulated on the 8th of January. It meant that chances of getting pregnant on the 12th – the day of the sex – were slim since ovulation lasts 12-24 hours. The Postinor 2 she took, therefore, while an emergency pill, would have been unnecessary.
It was something I’d have to explain later, but then I had to tell her about the drug. And so I began.
Postinor 2®, also known as the “morning after” pill, is an emergency contraceptive which is meant to be taken on EMERGENCY BASIS to prevent pregnancy. It contains an active ingredient known as Levonorgestrel, a second-generation progestogen (drugs that act like the natural progesterone – the main ovulation and pregnancy hormone).
From the name Postinor 2, it means that it contains 2 TABLETS of Levonorgestrel, each tablet has a strength of 0.75mg. This is in sharp contrast to Postinor I [see attached pictures] which has just one tablet of Levonorgestrel (1.5mg). Remember that 0.75 x 2 = 1.5. Thus Postinor 2 is like Postinor I split into two.
Because it’s an emergency contraceptive, it’s only meant to be taken like that, but unfortunately, Nigerian babes take it like say na pure water, taking it each and every time they have sex.
Since the pack has two tablets, girls always make the mistake of taking both tablets at the same time, and sometimes taking them four or more days after the sex – same thing as the babe now in my room.
However, Postinor 2 is to be taken within 3 DAYS of having the unprotected sex; and the tablets are to be taken 12 HOURS APART. The two tablets MUST NEVER be taken AT THE SAME TIME.
This is different for Postinor I, which has just one tablet and is taken at once, immediately, without any need to take another one 12 hours later.
This means that if you take the first tablet of Postinor 2 by 8AM, the next tablet should be taken by 8PM of the same day. Efficacy of the drug is best when it’s taken within 24 HOURS of having the unprotected sex. Beyond 3 days of having the sex, Postinor 2 is almost no longer effective.
In addition, the drug must be taken ONLY ONCE within a menstrual cycle. This means that, from the time you see your period to the time it comes again, THOU SHALL NOT TAKE MORE THAN ONE PACK OF POSTINOR 2. If you do, you increase the side effect profile.
Call it the 11TH COMMANDMENT. 😂
The drug is believed to work by inhibiting ovulation as well as increasing the thickness of the carpet of the womb (endometrium) making it VERY, VERY DIFFICULT for the sperm cells to swim up and fertilize “Madam Egg.”😂
Right from the beginning, men don dey suffer shaa! Even to do ordinary fertilization, sperm go still suffer 😔
Some of the known side effects of Postinor 2 are: spotting (bleeding), head ache, breast pain, nausea, vomiting, etc. In some women, their next period can come earlier or later than expected.
After explaining everything to this fine babe, I helped her correct her mistakes with regard to the drug intake and then I reassured her that she was unlikely to be pregnant.
So last night when she saw me and ran to tell me that her period came the same day, 23/01/19, just skipping a day, I could see the relief in her face. She was obviously happier she wasn’t pregnant than she was worried about the delayed period.
Meanwhile I kept eyeing her thick bumbum all through the time she was thanking me 😂 😂. Maybe their should be a better way to show gratitude, don’t you think? 😉😉