THERE ARE A LOT of things you people take for granted that mean a lot to us when you come to the hospital.
Ability to fart – “mess” – is one of them.
You mess everyday and take it ‘lightly’ – pun intended – but you’ll never know how important this ability to “mess” is until after you had done an operation on the abdomen, example appendectomy, or any other major abdominal surgeries.
Before working you up for discharge, we will keep asking you, “Madam, you don mess?”
The next day, “Madam, abeg you don mess?”
And if after a few days you never mess, we will be so worried eeh! All man will be thinking plenty things. We will be speaking plenty plenty English.
“Patient is yet to pass flatus!”
No mind the big English. We are simply saying you never “mess”. 😅😅
We will listen on your right lower abdomen with a stethoscope: “Bowel sounds are hypoactive”.
We will be thinking aloud: “Any features of intestinal obstruction?”
Omo, the day you go finally mess eeh! We go dey jubilate like say we win World Cup.
“Yay! The patient has passed flatus!”
“She don mess!”
“She don mess!”
If you come shit join nko! We go roll out the red carpet! Boys go drink beer or pop champagne!
It means that much to us!
This is because it takes a normally-functioning stomach and intestines (gastrointestinal tract) for someone to be able to “mess”. And following a disease or surgery, that ability can be lost temporarily! It could come with a lot of complications as well.
So when that ability returns eeh! Area go burst! This is because it means that the normal function of the GIT is gradually returning.
We will never discharge you until that ability to “mess” returns, else, wahala go dey.
So when next you want to “mess”, bend your nyash go one side and mess wella. It shows you are fine.
But if you mess for my side, I go punch your nose!
+++Impossibility is nothing. Just believe+++
© Caséy Amaefule ’20